Jokes

[Josiah]

Here you can post some jokes you have heard. or that you have made up!

[Camilla]

Here's one my brother told me, though I don't think he made it up.

There once was a prince who had a curse put upon him. He could only speak two words per year, but if he didn't speak those two words one year, he could speak four the next, and so on. One day this prince met a beautiful princess, whose name was Josie. He wanted to tell her "My princess" but he didn't. The next year he wanted to tell her "My princess, I love you," but he didn't once again. He saved up his words for five years so he could tell her "My princess, I love you. Will you marry me?" So one day, he came up to her, and bowed graciously. He said "Josie, my princess! I love you! Will you marry me?"
She simply replied: "Pardon?"

[Daisy]

That is so funny!

[Josiah]

Poor Prince!!!

[Eirwyn]

LOL!

[Josiah]

I found a good joke!

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.

"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.

"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.

The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.

"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"

Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.

The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.

"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.

"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.

[Eirwyn]

[Josiah]

It is funny hey!

[Josiah]

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.

[Nathaniel]

I love the first one.

[Josiah]

That one was good wasn't it! Allthough, he could have just wrote down what he wanted to say, then show her!

[Lady Keanna]

Coolys!

[Josiah]

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

[Nathaniel]

Lol. Funny.

[Josiah]

Yeah!

[Nathaniel]

Here:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[Josiah]

lol! That's funny!

[Daisy]

Here's one:

A little girl and her mom were at a wedding and and the girl asked her mother, "Why does the bride wear white?"
"Because white stands for purity and happiness. This is the happiest day of her life!"
"Oh..." the girl answered thoughfully. "Than why does the groom wear black?"

[Camilla]

LOL!!

[Eirwyn]

Those are funny! Why DOES the groom wear black?

[Camilla]

I don't know...but not all grooms wear black. My Dad wore white.

[Josiah]

I think it means that it is the most depressing day of his life or something......I wore black when I got married! *Jokes* I know someone who wore white too.....

[Lady Kyessa]

This is a blonde joke. But...... the blondes like it. Read to find out why.

A blonde was sitting on a plane. The flight was several hours long and she had ended up sitting next to a lawyer. The lawyer kept asking if she would play a game with him. Finally, after getting frustrated at all his begging, she agreed to play. The game went like this: the lawyer would ask the blonde a question. If the blonde didn't know the answer, she would pay the lawyer five dollars. If she knew the answer, the lawyer paid her fifty (he, of course, thought the blonde would be too blonde to be able to get any right). Then the blonde would ask a question. If the lawyer got it right, she paid him five dollars. If he got it wrong, he paid her fifty. The lawyer asked his first question, and the blonde silently handed him five dollars. Then it was her turn. She turned to the lawyer and asked "What does up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?". This stumped the lawyer. He spent the rest of the plane ride trying to figure it out by using whatever means he had. When they were landing, the lawyer handed the blonde a fifty and said "Before we get off the plane I get one more question." She agreed and he proceeded to ask the question. "What is the answer to the riddle you asked me?" The blonde, once again, silently handed him a five.

See, blondes can be smart! Especially if they stump lawyers!

[Daisy]

I've heard that one! It's funny!

[Eirwyn]

I've heard one similar to this one. I think it's on KQ...

[Daisy]

Yes, I posted it on KQ!

[Josiah]

I remember reading that! It's a good joke! I'm a blond, and I enjoyed that very much!

[Lady]

I am a blonde too and I doubly enjoyed it!!!!!

[Lady]

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

[Lady]

Sorry guys! these are just to funny to pass up!
Some more....
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Lady Mareelana: Hmmmm.... another Civil war?....J/K

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so. Lady Mareelana: No!!! You just bought it!!!! Don't fringe it!!!....LOL

[Daisy]

Haha, those are HILARIOUS! Here's another newspaper add I thought of:
Parachute for sale: used once, never opened, small stain

[Eirwyn]

LOL! Those were funny guys!

[Lady Kyessa]

Parachute for sale: used once, never opened, small stain

Hahahahahahhahaha!!!!! Love it!

[Lady Kyessa]

Oh i have an ipod background that says "If at first you don't succeed..... Skydiving is not for you!"

[Ace]

hahaha! That's funny!

I have one!
A man walks into a convenience store, and a sign on the door says 'Beware of Dog,' so the man walks in, and he sees an old bloodhound lying on the floor. "is this the dog I'm supposed to beware of?" the man asked.
"That's right." the cashier said.
"He's harmless! Why would you have a sign that says Beware of Dog?"
That's so people trip over him."

[Lady Carliss]

I get it.



Two men walked into a bar, you would've thought one of them would have seen it.

[Daisy]

Speaking of dogs and two men walking into things...lol

Two men walk into a diner, the dog is following the one named Jess. They sit down next to each other at the counter and the other man, Jon asks, "Does your dog bite?"
"Nope." Jess replies.
Then the dog bites Jon.
"OW! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That's not my dog."

[Lady Carliss]

I get it I get it!!!!

[Lady Keanna]

Oh, haha! That's terrible daisy!

[Ace]

lol that's funny, daisy!

[Josiah]

Haha! That's funny!

[Lady Keanna]

Here's some lame joke's I found on a serial box.

What did the lemon use when hurt himself? lemon aid.

Why did the Tomato blush?
Cause he saw the salad dressing.

[Lady Carliss]

I get it! Here's more of those but on candy wrappers.

Why was the baker so mean? Because he beats the bread.

Where does a cow go on Friday nights? To the moovies.

Where's a pirates favorite fast food place? Arrrrrby's

.....Yep.

[Josiah]

I like the 2nd one, lol!

[Lady Carliss]

My cousin changed it and said:


What did the cow say to the other cow? Look we're mooving.

[Lady Keanna]

lol.

Their was another one joke, but I forget it now.

[Lady Carliss]

My brother either made up these or heard them somewhere, no offense to blonds!


What do you do when a blond throws a pin at you? Run she's got a grenade!!!

What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull out the pin and throw it back.

[Ace]

LOL!!! That's so funny!!

[Lady Carliss]

Thank you, thank you! *bows*

[Lady Keanna]

Hmmm You know there is such thing
as a crunchie. (off topic)

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